Mid-Life Crisis

[Aristoddler]

I had an interesting talk with my boss 2 days ago when he approached me and said, "I have a question for you...I'm 37 years old and for some reason right now I feel like just saying 'screw it' and bailing out for the day to go party my butt off."
I asked him why, and he responded, "I don't know, but I want to get ripping drunk and party it up like I'm celebrating my 19th birthday again. Is this normal?"
I explained to him what a mid life crisis is, in the most basic terms possible, and we continued on working for a few hours...almost.

Less than 2 hours later, he had managed to drink no less than 4 pints of beer (we're cooks in a restaurant, so we have access to the golden brew whenever we want, since we're the ones with the keys to the place.) and was no longer able to function properly.

Although this kind of action is not unheard of in the restaurant industry...it is very rare to see it before 10 AM on a Thursday morning.


Today we had a discussion about it, and I don't think it's the last of this erratic behaviour that I'll see from him.

So my subject here is something that I couldn't decide where to put. I wanted to put it in Ph.of Mind, but decided Ph of Health was more apropos.

Mid-life crisis:
Aside from a feeble grasp at youth, why do we get it?
What is it to you, and how can those of us with sharper minds avoid the social spills caused by it?
Why do some people succumb to it so easily, while others manage it so easily?
Can someone who is in the throes of mid life crisis make proper judgment calls when it comes to their careers, and those that depend on them?

[Vasska]

I found that the last three years went by very fast due to the fact that I'm often busy with school, and when I'm not busy with school I have my part time job(s). In this time I've made some mistakes i still regret, and did not take some (even though i clearly saw them) opportunities that might have made things different.

If you take this over a 30 to 40 year period you can see a much bigger picture; people fall in love, people have dreams (together), people get married, and still have the dreams. People get kids, people need more money because of the kids, people start working more, people start to forget their dreams, fail to notice opportunities that can make that dream come true. And so on. I guess you get the picture. Then disaster strikes, when we get older and the kids grow up, we get more time on our hands and start to think realizing that so many opportunities had been for the taking. We start to think about our dreams, we start to think about the whole picture, sometimes even unnoticed. So we start to act differently, we get strange behavior like you told in your story, or people who suddenly want to buy a $9.000 TV and a $50.0000 car.

According to Wikipedia most of the characteristics you and i described are right:

Individuals experiencing a mid-life crisis are said to have some of these feelings:

• search of an undefined dream or goal
• a deep sense of remorse for goals not accomplished
• desire to achieve a feeling of youthfulness
• need to spend more time alone or with certain peers

They are said to exhibit some of these behaviors:

• abuse of alcohol
• conspicuous consumption -- acquisition of unusual or expensive items such as clothing, sports cars, jewelery, gadgets, tattoos, motorbikes, etc.
• depression
• paying special attention to physical appearance

===

My opinion is that the midlife crisis is a negative side effect of western culture. Since we all get caught up in the "big game" we lose track of time, and with it our dreams. Of course this doesn't affect all people, but I've seen a lot of people who have a mid life crisis (both my parents, my boss, parents of friends etc). I think we can avoid a midlife crisis by taking the time we need, don't forget our dreams, or at least trade them for other's that can be achieved.

It's just my view of a midlife crisis as an 18 year old and should be taken as only one view of the story, maybe other (older) users can share their stories/thoughts.

[Aedes]

A good question, and for once I think I have a good answer.

The mid-life crisis is the BEST illustration of a real philosophical problem, namely the existential crisis.

Think about it -- the existential crisis happens when people confront meaninglessness, and when else in the ordinary person's life does that happen but middle age -- when a sense of drudgery sets in, when anxiety about the future coincides with a sense of one's own mortality, and there is a sense of having missed opportunities in life. The mid-life crisis is almost a psychological reflex response to this, which takes form in a sort of regression to adolescence.

And isn't adolescence the exact antithesis of a mid-life crisis? Impulsivity, living for the moment, little sense of mortality, little concern for meaning?

That's why in a mid-life crisis people do and buy things impulsively, they make changes to their lives, they look for adventure, they do self-destructive things like having affairs.

The best renditions of the mid-life crisis in movies (that I can think of) are Bulworth and American Beauty.

And the best rendition of the pure existential crisis that I can think of comes from an amazing short story by Albert Camus, called The Adulterous Woman, which can be found in his Exile and the Kingdom.

You'll see how similar these phenomena are. As with many things, these are psychological issues with philosophical importance -- though I'm not sure they stand alone philosophically.

[saiboimushi]

I think you're right, Aristoddler: the turn (or return) to adolescent behavior is oftentimes a symptom of this midlife crisis. However, I would like to add that this behavior is also a key to understanding our modern crisis. During other times, an individual might have turned to his God or gods for sustenance, for comfort in the cold evening harbinging the long night. In the face of death, men often turned to promises of immortality and peace; and although, like the vague premonitions of the oracles, these promises were questionable, even irrational, they nevertheless served to fend off mortal fears.

Those pitiful mortals of today who lack gods--what illusions can they wrap themselves in? What irrational wellsprings of hope can they tap? The inherent--yet untaught--spirituality and poetry of youthful passion is that last dying ember of religion, which continues to glow in even this barbaric age. A sense of beauty, truth, and goodness naturally accompany the budding sexuality of a healthy teenager. Yet if our society does not give a damn about beauty, truth, or goodness (and it doesn't) then youthful passion will fade out, only to be replaced with a cold, colorless sense of "reality." Alas, the reality principle has proven REAL!

In the rush to relive his youth, your coworker seeks atonement with the gods. But they along with his society abandoned him years ago when he became a man. I have compassion for him and nothing but contempt for our stereotyped modern ideas, which kill so many of us before we die, depriving us of lives worth living.

[saiboimushi]

So after writing the post above, I opened my big book of Plato to The Republic, and read Cephalus' account of elderly men turning to wine and women in the vain hope of recapturing their youth.

Apparently I was a little too ... zealous in my condemnation of the present and my praise of the past. I guess the gods of antiquity were not always a sufficient source of irrational hope, after all.

[Aristoddler]

All of this makes sense, but unfortunately I have nothing to add to the discussion right now, for lack of anything meaningful to say.

[dancinginchains]

Originally Posted by Aristoddler

Mid-life crisis:
Aside from a feeble grasp at youth, why do we get it?
What is it to you, and how can those of us with sharper minds avoid the social spills caused by it?
Why do some people succumb to it so easily, while others manage it so easily?
Can someone who is in the throes of mid life crisis make proper judgment calls when it comes to their careers, and those that depend on them?

I think that this topic while being in the Philosophy of Health section, could also fit quite well in the Metaphysics section, because as Aedes stated already, it is an existential crisis. It is that direct realization of meaninglessness and probes some distinct metaphysical questions that people typically don't ask otherwise. To my understanding it is precisely this that often results in the erratic behavior that eventually poses a threat to people's careers and sometimes even families when they go through a mid life crisis. My philosophy instructor pointed this out in the first couple of weeks in our World Philosophers on Death course saying that a mid life crisis is a good example of a symbolic death. Unlike physical death, symbolic death is more of a psychological death that usually takes place at the instance of a major existential (may not be the right word) event such as say getting laid off, divorce, or indeed a mid life crisis.

It is with sincerity that I hold the view that the best thing we can possibly arm ourselves with to defend against major existential events such as a mid life crisis is philosophy. Why? Because, as any philosopher or aspiring philosopher knows, with philosophy we attempt to understand many of the metaphysical questions a mid life crisis usually poses long before we may actually experience it. To some degree philosophy is basic training for the deeper, often problematic, questions and situations in life. It is therefore my sincere belief that those individuals who have a deep and sincere understanding of philosophy will be either immune or very minimally affected by existential events such as a mid life crisis.

I can't answer the first question you posed because one would have to have an understanding of what that's like to answer it, and since I'm still in my youth at 21 years of age, it's impossible for me to understand what that's like. However, I do know what an existential crisis is like because I'm in the final stages of coming out of one myself, at least I think I am. I would say the key to making proper judgment calls in any existential crisis, not just a mid life crisis, is to not let the feeling of meaninglessness completely consume you. This is obviously easier said than done, but having a firm grounding in philosophy helps make it significantly easier to follow through.

[Didymos Thomas]

Simply studying philosophy will be of little use when confronted with real life issues, such as a mid life crisis. A study of philosophy, and a practice in which we apply our philosophy - then our philosophy might help us.

If our philosophy is simply an academic subject to us, the philosophy will not be useful. We have to put down our books and check up on our own experiences in order for that learning to help us.

[Aedes]

I agree with Thomas here. Philosophy doesn't solve problems on its own. Someone facing a crisis needs inner resources and external supports, irrespective of his philosophy.

That's the trouble sometimes with philosophy -- it comments on all sorts of domains of life, it takes interest in all these areas, it sees itself as understanding all these areas, and yet it's usually powerless to intervene. And that's why metaphysics seems to me the wrong direction for understanding the midlife crisis, which is an irrational behavioral breakdown that people can go through. Metaphysics, by operating without any power of observation, is in an awkward place trying to make rational sense of irrational things.

[dancinginchains]

I never said our dealings with philosophy ought to be limited to just studying. Someone once told me that philosophy isn't something to be held, but rather something to be done. Using that, I would venture to say, accurate representation of philosophy, if our philosophy is purely academic then it isn't philosophy at all. Simply studying philosophy isn't doing philosophy. I've known this long before I ever joined this community.

However, one studies philosophers to come to an understanding of their views and then tries to fuse that in a sensible manner with one's own views. While philosophy is something to be done rather than something to be held, it is impossible to adequately do philosophy without first understanding it, which is why one must first study it. I've only been studying philosophy for a year and I'm trying to find a balance between studying and doing.

So yes I fully agree with both Thomas and Aedes: doing philosophy is more important than studying it. However, I caution others not to misunderstand that statement by completely dismissing studying philosophy altogether.

With regard to the thread though I still think Metaphysics is a great section to put the mid-life crisis under because Metaphysics deals with our perception of reality, and really that's what a mid life crisis challenges does it not? Or any existential crisis for that matter. Do they not challenge the way we've come to understand ourselves ontologically?