Women, love, divorce, and western society.

[SummyF]

I have noticed as i have been growing up. Divorce has been something i have seen people go through. And i usually asked people what their insight was on this phenomenon, and i primarily came to a few conclusions. One of the easiest that many people have came to was that women want more ( in the sense of power), and the argument is made because women are becoming more equal. But when you think about it they are not fiscally or culturally ( we look at their worth in the sense of their look). So i made the ultimate conclusion that commercialism and capitalism have made women, marry for money, instead of doing the "EQUAL" thing and work and study.

So to look at this on the individual scale , you can look at this situation with two fictional characters

Male=Cody
Female=Jane

Cody and Jane think they love each other so they try to spend every moment with each other (they are in high school). Jane is beautiful, and many guys look at here. Cody just wants too work to be happy with her. All the other nerdy boys go off to college. 6 years come and Jane wants things, she never got educated, so she wants a that nerdy man who is making 6 figures

Males in the U.S. divorce because of many different reason, but i think the major reason is due to the commercial identity women have, which in essence is a living blow up doll. And since men want change they will get a different girl get caught and all hell is being brought up on this life

So to put the male part of this equation into the senario, The nerdy man didnt get what he wanted until later in life becuase he got money, so then a hot secretary want his nuts, so he has hot dirtty sex many times, then Jane find him

and the rest of this story is pretty much america

Please give me some insight on this

[Victor Eremita]

Back in the day, marriage was seen as some kind of spiritual connection; a transcendental union between two individuals that make up one being, til death do them part.

Now marriage and divorce are as common as boyfriend/girlfriends breaking up. Maybe it's the liberal attitudes we've adopted in Western society, but I don't know. Just call me an old romantic.

[Khethil]

It probably looks that way at this point. But the more you experience, meet people, have relationships and travel I think you'll probably find...

... as many women marry for money as they do for love
... folks marry for the very reasons others refuse to
... as many men marry for security as they do for trophy-hunting
... none of us are consciously-aware our own motivations for pair-bonding

The more I see and know, the more I see many of these steriotypes just don't hold. Limited experience and sitcoms may make it look that way, but the immense diversity of the truth (in my experience) shatters almost all steriotypes.

Not sure this helps, just my two cents

[Psychonaut]

I wouldn't know for i am only 16 and am the son of a happily married couple of about a billion years. (lawl i just called my parents old) Also i don't know many divorcees. So ahhh ya..... i don't really have anything to contribute to the conversation. I know that when and if i marry i WON'T be divorcing them. I'm not going to even date a girl until i find one i could see myself being with for more than a year. The way young people date these days disgusts me, growing up watching disney movies and what-not describing love as this beautiful thing and then going out with my friends to hear that so and so broke up with so and so after 2 days of dating.

Its like having what you think is the best thing in the world just to find out its not that great after all.

[oxherder]

i wonder if the nature of dating has been steered in a different way? each party tries to adjust or compromise in order to prove that they 'fit' or 'not fit' each other's company. then after marriage, they allow themselves to find and 'be' who they truly are. Hence, leads to divorce. wouldn't it be easier if the expectations of dating and marriage is flipped? sorry khethil,another generalization of mine.

[VideCorSpoon]

SummyF,

By saying that women want more power you imply that men have most of it. Is it so bad that men and women should have an equal share in “power?” But your conclusion is in a sense bias. Women do not have the luxury of working from their own system. They (women) have to work within a male system. It is extremely difficult for them.

I would point out that your fictional story is a perfect example of a male notion of females within a male normative framework. There are preconceived notions at play that make the analogy bias. Not all women are money grubbers or lazy nor are all men hardworking, selfless beings.

The male divorce in the US and female commercial identity is another preconceived notion. It is bias. But you put such a spin on the male perspective that men cannot hardly be blamed for infidelity. Cheating is wrong.

That the nerdy guy got the hot girl in the end is this simple. Pay now, play later. A lot of people prefer the other approach. Play now, pay later. You work hard now, you get to enjoy a lot more later. Honestly, who could blame Jane? Some would call that strategic placement.

That the rest of the story is pretty much America is not right. It’s stupid people in particular. There are stupid people all over the world from what I understand. Thank god we are all of a cognitive mind frame.

GENERAL THOUGHTS ON DIVORCE

One thing I can point out about divorces is that people cannot really differentiate between infatuation and love. Besides the obvious philosophical implications of these emotions, there are other reasons. Dare I say it, there may be some biological reason. I remember reading somewhere that infatuation is in fact linked to a biochemical in the brain that apparently wares off after two years. That infatuation is filled with preconceived notions of the other and illusory ideas about the other person. But once that infatuation wares off per se, all your left with is the substantial relationship, which was either nurtured or left to alone to its own devices.

[Didymos Thomas]

Romantic love is an addiction. Get over it.

Look for companionship. A good friend. Ah, but people have become some individualistic, less and less concern for society and family. They have a few problems and get divorced. When you spend vast amounts of time with someone, you will have problems. Tough. Get over it.

[Khethil]

At the risk of stating something too obvious....

I think it's important to keep in mind that when we say "this happens cuz <yada>", we're doing so from our own perspective - and humans have a bad habit of imposing their perceptions on the motives of others. The longer I live and the more I learn on relationships, the more I see that although some patterns do exist, the motivations are almost always more complex and varied than we think.

... lest we fall deeper into steriotyping or pigeon-holing.

[Didymos Thomas]

I think you raise a good point, Khetil. No relationship is the same as another, and no individual is the same as another, however similar.

One note about marriage: marriage is a social arrangement. In the past, marriages were arranged for the sake of a community (be it for the sake of the two concerned families, or for the sake of the larger community, like the marriage of two royals for peace). In the modern, industrialized world, marriage is a social arrangement for the sake of the two individuals. Marriage has lost much, if not all, of it's communal purpose and is now a very self-interested arrangement between people. This is what I was hinting at above.
Because marriage is now a selfish arrangement, and not a community-focused arrangement, people make and break the arrangement for selfish reasons. Marriage has become about "me" as opposed to being about a larger "we". A big part of this is due to the shift in modern living - where in the past we depended on some community, family and village, we now depend upon ourselves. The real heartbreaker is the influence this extreme individualism has on children.

[Poseidon]

Divorce is a breach of contract. The most profound contract that we make. Divorce is fraud. Unless the marriage is itself a fraudulent marriage, in which case annulment is appropriate. And one of the parties is then guilty of fraud.

If people cannot abide the most important promise they will ever make, on an ever increasing scale, then our society will simply collapse. What chance do the little promises have, if the big ones are tossed aside with such carelessness?

The world is complacent. I predict that Islam will be the next world superpower; even though I am Christian. It may take another 20 years or so, but unless the breach is sealed, our fate will be sealed.

Society only functions because of relative honesty.