Nerdy philosophical jokes

[one-philosophy]

Do you have any philosophical jokes you would like to share?
Post 'em here and have a
I'll reserve the next post for best jokes etc...

Heres one but its a bit bad....

Student: master I am confused, I do not know wether the world is flat or round!
Aquinas: It is a complex issue indeed. I cannot tell you what I think as in honesty, that knowledge is with the Lord alone. In my opinion, its all a bit pear shaped.

(In the mid ages it was more commenly believed that the world was pear shaped. A commen misconception is that the mid age peeps believed it was flat. That was the joke).
I hang my head in shame
You can do better so post them in!

Remember, they must be on some philosophical or religous aspect.
Keep it clean.
NOTHING RACIAL which could be considered offensive.
Also be aware that some religious jokes can cause great harm as many people hold their religions dearly. Just use your reason and I wish you the best!

[one-philosophy]

In no particular order:

"A doctor takes his first rounds at an asylum. He goes up to the first patient he sees and asks, "Who do you think you are?" The patient replied, "I, sir, am Napoleon!" "And how do you know you are Napoleon," asked the doctor. The patient replied, "Because God told me so." Then, from across the room, another patient yelled, "I... DID... NOT!!!"
-VideCorSpoon

"Did you hear about the new athiest charity thats been set up?
Its a non-prophet organisation"
-One-Philosophy

Buddhist walks into a burger joint and says "make me one with everything" Then Buddhist gives the burger guy $20 and asks for change and the burger guy says "change must come from within".
-Chris and One-Philosophy

Descartes walks into a bar. The Bartender asks if he would like a drink. Descartes replies "I think Not" and vanishes
-de Silentio

Kant: To Be is To Do
Kierkegaard: To Do is To Be
Sinatra: Do Be Do Be Do
-de Silentio

How many existentialists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to observe how the lightbulb symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of Cosmic Nothingness.
-Theaetetus

How many Marxists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
-Theaetetus

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change the bulb, and five to form a society to preserve the memory of the old light bulb.
-Theaetetus

What is red, purple, and idealistically incompatible? Ayn Rand and Karl Marx in a blender!
-Zetetic11235

Why do marxists drink fake tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
-One-Philosophy

"God Is Dead",
Nietzsche
"Nietzshe is dead",
God
-One-Philosophy

Prof: (Reviewing an assignment with a student) "And your essay on the True Meaning of Existentialism was perfect, the only 100% ive given in my life."
Student: "But I left that part Blank..."
Prof: "Exactly"
-Critz

Some Actual Church Bulletins:
-Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
-The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
-Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
-At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
-Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

[VideCorSpoon]

This is an interesting joke a heard… but I am raking my brains trying to figure out where it came from. But still, here it is;

“A doctor takes his first rounds at an asylum. He goes up to the first patient he sees and asks, “Who do you think you are?” The patient replied, “I, sir, am Napoleon!” “And how do you know you are Napoleon,” asked the doctor. The patient replied, “Because God told me so.” Then, from across the room, another patient yelled, “I... DID... NOT!!!”

and of course, the ever so frequent lame Taoist line;

"Man with hand down pants feel coc*y all day."

[one-philosophy]

lol, did you hear about the new athiest charity thats been set up?
Its a non-prophet organisation

*sigh*

[one-philosophy]

Buddhist walks into a burger joint and says "make me one with everything"

[de Silentio]

Descartes walks into a bar. The Bartender asks if he would like a drink. Descartes replies "I think Not" and vanishes.

-----

Descartes after a long day of meditation: I Drink, Therefore I Am

-----

Kant: To Be is To Do
Kierkegaard: To Do is To Be
Sinatra: Do Be Do Be Do

[Vasska]

It's a Youtube series about a lesser known Greek philosopher with many comical one liners. Very well done.

YouTube - Phistophicles - "Introduction" & "Book One"

And the Youtube Channel for the other 5 books:

YouTube - hungrymanTV's Videos

[VideCorSpoon]

Phistophicles on punctuality.... "Being the last man to an orgy is never a good idea..." LOL!

[Chris]

Originally Posted by one-philosophy

Buddhist walks into a burger join and says "make me one with everything"

Then Buddhist gives the burger guy a $20 and asks for change and the burger guy says "change comes from within".

[Theaetetus]

Well this is not necessarily a joke but it is by the Monty Python clan. Of all jokesters they had the strongest grip on philosophy.

YouTube - monty python football