Nerdy philosophical jokes

[Critz]

Prof: (Reviewing an assignment with a student) "And your essay on the True Meaning of Existentialism was perfect, the only 100% ive given in my life."
Student: "But I left that part Blank..."
Prof: "Exactly"

[one-philosophy]

Church Bloopers


This is a compilation of actual Church Bulletins and Service bloopers...
-Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High".
-Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
-Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
-The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
-This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
-Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
-This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
-The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
-Thursday night--Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
-The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
-During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when A. B. Doe supplied our pulpit.
-The Rev. Adams spoke briefly, much to the delight of his audience.
-The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
-The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet" in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
-The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11th.
-Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
-Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
-At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
-Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
-The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
-The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
-Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
-Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
-Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
-Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
-Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
-Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
-The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
-"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands." -For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

[one-philosophy]

Originally Posted by Zetetic11235

My names not zetetic buddy, its Chris.
And number five was fine, he did pretty well thanks for asking.
The pair refered to the man and the coin, an odd pair no! An even one! 25 +1! And then the third makes 27! A pythagorian tripple 27, 25,10.2! Take 10.2-3(objects) you get 7.2, 1972 is the year the mahavishnu orchestra broke up! John McGlaughlin was the creator/lead guitarist, who goes on to play in San fransisco with al demiola and paco de lucia. Al dimeola did a clinic at a guitar store near me two years ago, 2006, the year the democrats got ahold of the senate! And the crux of the joke? This headline, right above said woman's picture! News Around the State: OSH honors Cretin as Auxilian of the Year

Woah I was way out!
And can you stop poking my eye, I'm not supposed to put pointy sticks in it. Guess I'll have to use mind controll and force you to bang your head against a brick wall!

*M-i-n-d c-o-n-t-r-o-l-l*l-l-o-r-t-n-o-c d-n-i-M*

[Zetetic11235]

Tatertotteettotretat Where uoY erA, Are You erehW tatertotteettotretat

It saw full amen ,Twas great. Its awful lament was great. tearg saw tnemal lufwa sti. Tear, g saw T nem all u fwast I.

Trade ye no mere moneyed art.

[Victor Eremita]

Originally Posted by Zetetic11235

I have a new one:

A young man walks into a crowded theater and proclaimes that god is dead! He is then countered by another man with the assertion that his claim is metaphysical and metaphysics is dead! Man 3 comes along and tells them that they are both speaking nonsense and must be quite while a 4# asks them to hush so that he can watch the show. Man one says that he should create his own show and put it on for himself when man 5 counters that such a show would not exist objectively and it would be selfish and agianst ones maximum potential to create such a show. Man one counters that all of reality is absurd and potential is used to arbitrary and pointless ends no matter what so it may as well be used to please the creator. Man 3 says that though this is true it can be judged that since it is any animal's perrogative to survive, this should be our objective first and foremost and points out that man #1 would not have come to his conclusion if he had to work to survive, and that he had descended into metaphysical nonsense for his world view.

Now, man #4 is no longer paying attention as he views all perception to be self created and has begun watching the show around him, man #1 remains in a heated debate with man #3 and man number 2 has been taken outside and shot. Man #5 has gone to actualize his objective potential and man number 6 walks in proclaiming that god has set for us all an imperative and then he is taken out and shot. Now we have man number 1 fighting man#2 while man #4 is playing with himself giggling like a madman. The actors in the show have now begun attacking the audience when all of the usdden man # 7 walks out and proclaims that theater is not meant for pleasure or entertainment but to display the suffering and abusurdity of life.

A homeless man walks in and burns the place to the ground while playing his fiddle and proclaiming himself to be a god and then is stabbed behind a stadium by the centurions.

Now, man numbers1 and 3 have moved to the street, man #4 burned up in the fire because he realized that he had within his mind the makings of whatever reality he might choose and was too buisy living in his cot on the carribbean to notice the fire.

Man # 1 and man number 5 start a business making toy lions and man number 3 stabs his mentor with a hot poker and is taken out back and shot. Man #1 soon realizes that reality itself is his own construction and falls through the cracks and ends up crawling on all fours and dies.

What have we learned?

We have learned not to read Nietzsche (Man 1), Heidegger (Man 2), Wittgenstein (Man 3), Berkeley (Man 4), Kant (Man 5), Kierkegaard (Man 6), and Camus (Man 7) while smoking a reefer.

[Fido]

I only have one philosophy joke; so I will share it. A man wishing to find what life was, and what was the meaning of life, quit his job, left his wife and chldren, crossed the Ocean, the Desert, and the steaming Jungle, and climbed the tallest mountain to find the wisest man in the whole world. And as he approached this wise man, He said: Master, what is life? And the old man said: My Son; Life is a fountain.
And the traveller thought about this for a moment, nodding his head thoughtfully, and he began to grow angry.
You mean to say I quit my Job, left my wife and children, traveled the whole damned world to get here and have you tell me life is a fountain? What kind of bull**** answer is that?
And the wise man said: So; It's not a fountain.

[Theaetetus]

Here is a wonderful Monty Python skit on argument:

YouTube - Monty Python Argument Sketch