Nerdy philosophical jokes

[Theaetetus]

How many existentialists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to observe how the lightbulb symbolizes an incandescent beacon of subjectivity in a netherworld of Cosmic Nothingness.

How many Marxists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?
Six. One to change the bulb, and five to form a society to preserve the memory of the old light bulb.

[Zetetic11235]

Oh ! Oh! Me next!
What is red, purple, and idealistically incompatible? Ayn Rand and Karl Marx in a blender!

Heres another one: Immanuel Kant

And one more, a riddle: A philosopher walked down the street and saw quarter on the ground and began to speculate about the intrinsic substance of the coin. At the same moment a satistician walzted by the pair and began to calculate the probabilities. Soon a geometer came along saw that the three had formed a perfect equalateral triangle with the coin in the center and shot himself. Why?(click here only if you are totaly stumped)

[one-philosophy]

whats the answer? The link takes you to see a lady in red. Thats all.
Also, you said that a philsopher saw the coin then a satistician saw "the pair"?
You said A (implying one) philosopher saw the coin.
Then the geometer saw three when there were only supposed to be two staring at the coin.
Im confused.

[one-philosophy]

Why do marxists drink fake tea?

Because all proper tea is theft

wow, I am bad

[Zetetic11235]

Originally Posted by one-philosophy

whats the answer? The link takes you to see a lady in red. Thats all.
Also, you said that a philsopher saw the coin then a satistician saw "the pair"?
You said A (implying one) philosopher saw the coin.
Then the geometer saw three when there were only supposed to be two staring at the coin.
Im confused.

Therin lies the truth

Hint:Though I am not sure why you assumed the pair to be men, or the three to be men.
i don't get it.

[Zetetic11235]

I have a new one:

A young man walks into a crowded theater and proclaimes that god is dead! He is then countered by another man with the assertion that his claim is metaphysical and metaphysics is dead! Man 3 comes along and tells them that they are both speaking nonsense and must be quite while a 4# asks them to hush so that he can watch the show. Man one says that he should create his own show and put it on for himself when man 5 counters that such a show would not exist objectively and it would be selfish and agianst ones maximum potential to create such a show. Man one counters that all of reality is absurd and potential is used to arbitrary and pointless ends no matter what so it may as well be used to please the creator. Man 3 says that though this is true it can be judged that since it is any animal's perrogative to survive, this should be our objective first and foremost and points out that man #1 would not have come to his conclusion if he had to work to survive, and that he had descended into metaphysical nonsense for his world view.

Now, man #4 is no longer paying attention as he views all perception to be self created and has begun watching the show around him, man #1 remains in a heated debate with man #3 and man number 2 has been taken outside and shot. Man #5 has gone to actualize his objective potential and man number 6 walks in proclaiming that god has set for us all an imperative and then he is taken out and shot. Now we have man number 1 fighting man#2 while man #4 is playing with himself giggling like a madman. The actors in the show have now begun attacking the audience when all of the usdden man # 7 walks out and proclaims that theater is not meant for pleasure or entertainment but to display the suffering and abusurdity of life.

A homeless man walks in and burns the place to the ground while playing his fiddle and proclaiming himself to be a god and then is stabbed behind a stadium by the centurions.

Now, man numbers1 and 3 have moved to the street, man #4 burned up in the fire because he realized that he had within his mind the makings of whatever reality he might choose and was too buisy living in his cot on the carribbean to notice the fire.

Man # 1 and man number 5 start a business making toy lions and man number 3 stabs his mentor with a hot poker and is taken out back and shot. Man #1 soon realizes that reality itself is his own construction and falls through the cracks and ends up crawling on all fours and dies.

What have we learned?

[one-philosophy]

Originally Posted by Zetetic11235

Therin lies the truth

Hint:Though I am not sure why you assumed the pair to be men, or the three to be men.
i don't get it.

huh? I didn't say they were men. Is the answer that there was a strange loop in the fabric of the universe causing a lady who shouldn't of been there to appear from nowhere right after the philosopher arrived on the scene; thus the geomatrist, thinking he/shes gone mad shoots themself?

[one-philosophy]

Originally Posted by Zetetic11235

I have a new one:

A young man walks into a crowded theater and proclaimes that god is dead! He is then countered by another man with the assertion that his claim is metaphysical and metaphysics is dead! Man 3 comes along and tells them that they are both speaking nonsense and must be quite while a 4# asks them to hush so that he can watch the show. Man one says that he should create his own show and put it on for himself when man 5 counters that such a show would not exist objectively and it would be selfish and agianst ones maximum potential to create such a show. Man one counters that all of reality is absurd and potential is used to arbitrary and pointless ends no matter what so it may as well be used to please the creator. Man 3 says that though this is true it can be judged that since it is any animal's perrogative to survive, this should be our objective first and foremost and points out that man #1 would not have come to his conclusion if he had to work to survive, and that he had descended into metaphysical nonsense for his world view.

Now, man #4 is no longer paying attention as he views all perception to be self created and has begun watching the show around him, man #1 remains in a heated debate with man #3 and man number 2 has been taken outside and shot. Man #5 has gone to actualize his objective potential and man number 6 walks in proclaiming that god has set for us all an imperative and then he is taken out and shot. Now we have man number 1 fighting man#2 while man #4 is playing with himself giggling like a madman. The actors in the show have now begun attacking the audience when all of the usdden man # 7 walks out and proclaims that theater is not meant for pleasure or entertainment but to display the suffering and abusurdity of life.

A homeless man walks in and burns the place to the ground while playing his fiddle and proclaiming himself to be a god and then is stabbed behind a stadium by the centurions.

Now, man numbers1 and 3 have moved to the street, man #4 burned up in the fire because he realized that he had within his mind the makings of whatever reality he might choose and was too buisy living in his cot on the carribbean to notice the fire.

Man # 1 and man number 5 start a business making toy lions and man number 3 stabs his mentor with a hot poker and is taken out back and shot. Man #1 soon realizes that reality itself is his own construction and falls through the cracks and ends up crawling on all fours and dies.

What have we learned?

We have learnt that if we are polite enough to address persons by their names rather than as numbers, there would be less violence in the philosophical forums today!
Ain't that right 11235? (zetetic)

[one-philosophy]

"God Is Dead",
Nietzsche

"Nietzshe is dead",
God

[Zetetic11235]

Originally Posted by one-philosophy

We have learnt that if we are polite enough to address persons by their names rather than as numbers, there would be less violence in the philosophical forums today!
Ain't that right 11235? (zetetic)

My names not zetetic buddy, its Chris.
And number five was fine, he did pretty well thanks for asking.
The pair refered to the man and the coin, an odd pair no! An even one! 25 +1! And then the third makes 27! A pythagorian tripple 27, 25,10.2! Take 10.2-3(objects) you get 7.2, 1972 is the year the mahavishnu orchestra broke up! John McGlaughlin was the creator/lead guitarist, who goes on to play in San fransisco with al demiola and paco de lucia. Al dimeola did a clinic at a guitar store near me two years ago, 2006, the year the democrats got ahold of the senate! And the crux of the joke? This headline, right above said woman's picture! News Around the State: OSH honors Cretin as Auxilian of the Year